Christmas 2010

Sitting here this morning thinking about all the events that have taken place this year. Both my Mom and Dad are in heaven this Christmas! It has been an amazing and heartfelt journey to this point. I loved both of them so very much and have been thinking about all the fond memories of them. Christmas was their favorite time of the year. Dad always was Santa! I will forever cherish the picture of him, Terrie and me as he played Santa and we were not aware that it was our Dad!
He had an amazing suit that his Aunt had made him years ago. It has now been passed down to my sister.
Wonder if she will play Santa now! lol
I have pulled out Moms recipe for her Cranberry nut Bread and her Date Balls, that Jennifer dearly loves. I am going to try and make them today or tomorrow.
I was thinking the other day how very blessed and honored I have been to see the birth of all 5 of my grandsons and the deaths of my Parents. It was so precious to see new breaths being taking and seeing my parents take their last breaths. God is so amazing! I am so thankful that they were both surrounded by love and family. That doesn't get to happen very often. Thanks to the amazing people of the Hospice Foundation. They are truly Angels in my eyes.
So this Christmas will be a little bitter sweet as I miss both of my parents this year but knowing they are together in a most wonderful place. And the watching of sweet little faces as they open their presents.
I was thinking about my favorite Christmas and got to share it with my Dad before he left the hospital.
I had a favorite doll growing up and her name was Kissy! You pressed her arms together and she would pucker up and kiss you! I guess I kissed her so much that I broke her arms. Dad and Mom told me that they sent her to a doll hospital and I would see her again soon. I let go of her trusting that I would. Well that Christmas I awoke to her laying beside me! I went hollering and screaming in joy. My Dad told me that since it was such a special gift that Santa had placed her beside me in bed and gave us both a kiss! When I reminded Dad of this story he cried! He had forgotten but I never did!
So I am holding on to those precious and funny memories of both of my Parents this year for Christmas.
Hold on tight to your memories of your loved ones because one day that will be all you have,
Merry Christmas to all of you!
Love,
Pam (Penelope) (a name my Dad used to call me growing up) (:

My First Born!

I am sitting here tonight, the day before I gave birth to my first child, 34 years ago! I seems like such a long time ago and then it seems like it was yesterday. I still remember holding her in my arms for the very first time and looking at her. I couldn't believe she was all mine! I counted her toes and fingers and look at her beautiful skin. She had dimples in those sweet little cheeks. She still has them today. She has such an incredible smile!
Me and her Daddy took her home with us on a chilly October morning to our little home. Dennis had everything all ready for us and took such good care of both of us! As he would do in the years to follow.
Oh, how I wish I could go back for a few minutes and hold that special little bundle again! Time has such a way of going to fast and now I am watching her with her own little babies! I love those boys so much and love to just sit and watch her with them.
This blogg is jus all about you Jen today. I know life is so busy now and we don't have the time we used to have but know that I love you more each day that passes and that I am hear watching you as you journey now with your own children. Hold on tight to them and enjoy each moment that you can with them. Because in a blink of an eye they will be grown and gone. Not gone from your heart but gone from your life as you now know it. I love you and am so very proud of the person that you have become! Always know that I am here for you always!
Love,
Your very proud Mother

Life is about Hope!

As I write this I think of all the things that I have been through in my life and it is hope that has got me here this far! Where would we be without it? The older I get the more faith I have in my old friend hope!
The other day as I picked up my sister for her Doctor's appointment I saw that she had no hope at that time. She was in tears and so much pain that I felt absolutely helpless at the time. I had an agenda that day at the Doctors office and that was not to leave without some kind of hope for her. Well, we got it! She is having surgery on both of her knees at the same time. She has no other choice but to do this.
The Doctor walked in and saw the look of hopelessness on her face and sat down and asked her , Cindy what do you want to do? I don't remember her exact words but I do mine! Surgery please!!!!
It has been so long since I have seen her walk without pain. I am so looking forward to seeing her walk up my side walk and say come on Pam lets go shopping!!! lol
I want to see her walk and play with her grand-babies! She longs to do that, I know!
So, always believe there is hope and hang on to it with all you have.
I have seen such a change in her spirit this week because of this hope! Good to see that sister! I love you so much and look forward to the day we can again walk along side by side each other through the rest of our lives!!!

These hands

As I look at my hands sometimes I see them growing older right before my eyes. Then I remember what all these hands have done in this life time. They held my mothers hand as I learned to walk. I use them to express myself! I have been told that I couldn't talk without them! (: which is true! I was given a special ring by the love of my life that meant he would love me forever.
I have held my sweet babies and they have held my sweet babies little ones also. They have wiped a many tears and they have hugged so many! I clap with excitement with the boys and hold them so tight with them. I make special dinners with them. I have taken care of my wonderful husband and my momma with them. So I think that when I look at them now I will look at them differently from now on. They have seen so much love mostly! I even have a special wave to Dennis with them. We started it a very long time ago and nobody gets a wave like that but him. So hands hold on we still have so much more to do.

Life

Yesterday we started going through the things in Mom & Dad's house. Terrie brought Dad from the Nursing Home and we sat and talked, cried and then started with what we have been putting off for the last 3 months. It is time to do this. I can't believe that we were having to do this but then everyone goes through this at some point in their lives. A lot of things made me smile and some made me cry!
There is so much to go through and it got me thinking of what the girls would go through one day as they go through my stuff! Will they cry, laugh and sometimes wonder what was I thinking when I bought that!
Mom and Dad took a trip out west after they retired and before Dad had to have a liver transplant. Mom  brought back 2 things from that trip that we wondered what she was thinking! One was a huge Texan Fly swatter! The other was this lamp that has mushrooms and a tree. It is a touch lamp and the kids all loved to play with it.
It is amazing how just a certain spoon or a dish can make you smile. There will be more days of going through things along with more tears and laughing.
I walked back in the house after everyone left to lock up and close the blinds and it was started to look a little empty but it wasn't sad anymore. I think Mom would of been proud of all of us yesterday! She would of wanted for us to get this over and get on with life. She will always be with us not matter if the house is here or not. I love you Momma and miss you so much! You taught me so much about life. We were a good mother to us all!

Life is amazing!

Some of you might now that Dennis has been battling depression for some time. It really seemed to get worse after all the surgeries! And rightly so after the last one when they had to put 3 metal straps in to secure his sternum. After the first surgery his wires all broke and they had to go in and repair it with the straps.
I know how hard it was for me and I can't even imagine how he must of felt!
He has been doing so much better lately after a different medication. Matter of fact his Doctor was really surprised when he saw him yesterday. He said he looked great! He looked healthy and that look was gone from his face. I noticed it on the way over in the car. I kept looking at him and saw such peace in his face.
A look I haven't seen in a long time.
Today we had Cameron and then picked up Drew after Pre-school. We ate lunch and then He told the boys to put on their bathing suits that they were going to play in the sprinkler! I saw a man that I  haven't seen in a long time today. He has such peace on his face. It was wonderful to see this! You see I have loved this man for so long and didn't know at times if I could hang in there with him. Well today I am glad I did! We changed the boys after their play time with papa and then took a nap together. He just looked at the boys sleeping and smiled! So you see Life is Good!!
So if you are or know someone that is battling depression, get some help and hang in there!
Love to all,
Pam

Life is really good & precious!

This is something that I have really been wanting to do for a long time. Thanks for the help tonight Leslie!
I really do have a good life! I am married to my soul mate. I knew it the moment I passed him in the hallway ( I was 14 and he was 16). We have 2 beautiful daughters that have families of their own now. I am the YaYa (grandmother) of 5 incredible grandsons! They have definelty stolen my heart! Who would of thought I would of had all grandsons! Not me!!!
They keep me young, focused and young at heart!
I recently lost my mother to a long battle with cancer. I know she is in heaven and she is with me everyday! She suffers no more.
I had the pleasure and the honor along with my dear husband to have her stay with us the last 2 weeks of her life.
Had no idea that it would be her last 2 weeks. She was content with us and I wouldn't change it for anything. We shared alot, she got to visit with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren and my sister's moved in with us the last week! We were all around her when she passed and it was sad but at the same time beautiful! It was hard to see her go out to door the last time. But I know she is in heaven and watching over us all! I know God has a new plan for me in the works so we will just wait and see what it is! It is always exciting to see what new adventure awaits! Anyways hope to share more with you all in the days to come.
Thanks for stopping by!
Pam